A monologue

Right. The phone's off the hook, the door is locked and the curtains drawn. I have my coffee (hot creamy with a hint of cinnamon, just the way I like it) and the laptop's fully charged so I'm not tied down to the table. So, now what? Start writing! My magnum opus, the biggest and bestest piece of fiction the world ever read! Only, what the heck do I write about?

Maybe I should write about my childhood. But, what's the big deal in that? I wasn't born and brought up in USA anycase - I don't know what prom is and I most definitely did not think about boys as I was too caught up with my science project and grades. Even if I let my imagination run amock and make up all this, it's anyway taken by Kaavya Vishwanathan and I'm not exactly a fan of chic-lit novels. Idea number one, rejected.

Wait a minute! I can write about my college life! On how I was a day scholar and spent all of 30 minutes on a bus ride from home to college everyday, surrounded by the most boring set of people ever. On how I was studiousness-incarnate and never took part in any cultural activities and/or the uncultured ragging activities. On how utterly boring the whole thing was. Do boring incidents make a good novel? Well, they might, only if you're Arthur Hailley and you wrote 'Wheels'. Idea number two, rejected.

Hmmph. What shall I write about? Hey, how about my ancestral village? You know, with those green paddy and sugarcane fields, the huge jackfruit tree with a pump-set nearby! Ok, sounds good, but what about the plot? I only know of one incident where a poor guy fell into the un-used well and died of methane poisoning. Maybe I can make up a ghost story? About the girl who hung herself from the ceiling fan and how her spirit still wanders around after 12 at night? But that is so old! And pretty lame. I mean, that lady in a white saree is not even scary anymore - even with the red eyeballs and ghostly voice. Forget it, it's no use. Idea number three, rejected.

Now, what else do I have? A story of espionage and betrayal? A la Robert Ludlum! Brilliant! But hey, forgot one thing. You've never set foot out of your home state in your home country and to write about espionage, there has to be at least one other foreign country! Damn! I should've travelled more, as in to places other than grandma's village. You think you can imagine the whole thing anyway? Like Kafka did with Amerika? Heh heh. I can't believe I just compared myself with Kafka. What the heck! Idea number four, rejected.

Oh great, the coffee's cold and I haven't typed even one line. Other than the Sriramajayam that is.

Goddd!! One bolt of creative thunder is all I ask for! Hear my prayers, O Lord!

Hmm, this room feels strangely cosy. Maybe I'll get more creative if I lie down on the sofa and type. A comfortable body means a comfortable mind. And a comfortable mind is fertile soil for creative thoughts. Oh my god, that was so profound! I better make note of this. Who knows, my heroine could always use a few profound sayings once in a while.

Well well well, this sofa is pretty comfortable. A pillow would help, though.

There! Now, let me get back to the story. What other ideas would make a good book? You know, you should have read Kiran Desai's 'Inheritance of Loss' fully, maybe that would inspire you. No! For the umpteenth time, I don't want to write a book inspired by another book. It's pretty close to being called plagiarism and I'm not yet that desperate. No more reading books. The next book I read will be my own. That's that.

Yeah right. I'm never gonna read another book in this lifetime then.

No no, I shouldn't let such discouraging thoughts come into my mind. I can do it. I know I can. It's just a book. I write well, I'm witty enough, I just need a good idea. That's all I need - one good idea.

Maybe I should keep the laptop down and think about the idea. It'll be difficult to type lying down anyway.

Good. Now I can think comfortably. You know, maybe I should close my eyes too. To not let the world distract me. Didn't I read somewhere that the eyes are the first source of distraction and that's why people close their eyes during meditation and all that? But what if you end up sleeping? Well, if one feels sleepy one just has to sleep. No two ways about it.

What do I write about?

What do I...